my emotional intimacy story

Find out a bit about me, Leanne Chesser, my emotional intimacy, sexual communication and sexual desire discrepancy story and why it matters for you in your relationship.

Leanne Chesser wearing blue jeans, a black leather jacket and a shirt with blue and maroon irregular shapes. She is standing with her left arm leaning on a wooden fence on a snow-covered pathway with houses in the background.

What I've heard from you ...

To tell you a bit about me and my emotional intimacy story, I'm going to start off talking about you ...

The most common struggle I've heard from you is that the connection is missing in your relationship. There's no emotional intimacy.

The second most common struggle is that what's going on in your sex life is w-a-a-a-y different than what you really want inside your own head (so, there's a sexual desire discrepancy in some way ... and this was the case for me as well) .

The third most common struggle has to do with communication (I also relate).

And a major reason for all three is not what you probably think it is ...

What's the reason?

A main reason is all the stuff out there in the world that tells us that who we are and what we want is wrong in some fundamental way.

But wrong compared to what?

Compared to a bullshit standard that doesn't actually exist ... but feels very real as it silences, suppresses and stifles all the beautiful things that make us unique. 

Until we find ourselves living in this state of conflict between what's locked up and secret inside our heads and what's experienced in our lives on a regular basis. 

To the point where we aren't even sure anymore about what it is that we desire ... or sometimes who we are.

Can you relate? The truth is that it doesn't have to stay this way. How do I know? Because I lived this, too. Just like you.

Leanne Chesser wearing blue jeans, a black leather jacket and a shirt with blue and maroon irregular shapes. She's walking away from the camera down a snow-covered pathway with a wooden railing. There are houses in the background.
Leanne Chesser wearing blue jeans, a black leather jacket, black leather boots and a shirt with blue and maroon irregular shapes. She's walking away from the camera down a snow-covered path and turning back to look over her left shoulder. There are bare trees and houses in the background.

So, hey. I'm Leanne.

Something you may NOT know about me is that my partner and I were separated for almost five years after I finally said, “I’m done” and ended our relationship that was full of disconnection and lack of emotional intimacy.

I also used to feel like there had to be something wrong with me or that I was broken because I had certain fantasies and desires and I thought my partner would judge me for them.

I heard they were wrong all through my life and I just expected to keep being judged. So, I kept them inside my own head and I was just frustrated because what was happening in reality was NOT what I wanted.

I finally got to the point where I decided that something needed to change. It didn’t just happen with a snap of my fingers though!

A lot happened before that point.

I did a lot of work on myself including self-discovery and deep mindset work.

So did my partner.

I decided to say what I wanted and what was true for me. I was able to heal shame , come to really understand and accept who I am and what I want, and then express that.

And my partner and I got back together (we even had a superhero re-wedding).

When we did, we agreed to always communicate with each other in a healthy way, to honor our authentic selves (and support each other in becoming the best version of ourselves) and to intentionally create emotional intimacy. 

Leanne Chesser wearing blue jeans, a black leather jacket and a shirt with blue and maroon irregular shapes. She is standing with her right arm leaning on a wooden fence on a snow-covered pathway with bare trees in the background.
Leanne Chesser standing in front of evergreen trees, smiling and laughing to represent the emotional intimacy she has in her relationship now.

So, now what?!?

We’ve continued to do all we agreed to, and more. And we created a deep connection, emotional intimacy, authentic sex and calm, honest communication.

We still have disagreements and hard conversations of course. But we have solid foundations to talk things out, listen and respond (rather than react), build emotional intimacy and work on what gets in the way.

This is why I’m so passionate about helping other couples do the same. I know the power of it!

I still remember what it’s like to want a connected relationship but have no idea how to change the disconnection and feeling caught in the shit-loop, feeling like it’ll never end.

I created the 4C System so you can create a satisfying sex life, healthy communication and shift the underlying stuff (hopefully all much more quickly than I did!).

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what I do

I empower couples to create intimate connection and communication in their relationship and go from feeling like disconnected roommates to connected, intimate partners again.

Two disabled Black people (a femme wearing compression gloves and a non-binary person in a power wheelchair that's partially in view) sit across each other and laugh while on a coffee date in a brick building. Photo from Disabled And Here: https://affecttheverb.com/disabledandhere/
Two people of unclear sex and race holding hands, with one person laying on top of the other in bed.
A middle-aged white woman with grey hair wearing a black, long-sleeved shirt with white polka dots and a middle-aged white man with grey hair wearing a grey, long-sleeved shirt, sitting next to each other and facing the camera while leaning against the back of a couch.

what others say

I had so many unresolved feelings and limiting beliefs ...

A grayscale head shot of Katy Suik wearing black rimmed glasses and a sleeveless shirt that appears gray.

"I don't talk about my sex life with anyone except for you and my husband. But you have this way of just making me feel not judged ... making me feel safe and like it's okay. And when I do the hamster wheel thing and go back to my old story, you remind me and put me back on track. The time we spent together was truly incredibly healing for me and soooo needed. Up until then, I had so many unresolved feelings and limiting beliefs. I will FOREVER hold you in my heart as someone who has truly changed my life. That is saying so much because I searched high and low for someone that could walk me through those difficult feelings. So thank you!'“

— Katy Suik, Transformational Coach

The Official Bio

Head shot Leanne Chesser wearing a black leather jacket and a shirt with blue and maroon irregular shapes.

Leanne Chesser (she/her) is a teacher and coach with degrees in psychology and education and certifications in sex, mindset, life and emotional intelligence coaching.

Leanne is the creator of Connection for Couples, Your Pleasure Profile and the 5C System. She empowers couples to create intimate connection and communication in their relationship and go from feeling like disconnected roommates to connected, intimate partners again.

She believes in creating free, equitable, authentic sexual expression, eradicating shame, silencing and marginalization and starting a ripple effect of emotionally intelligent communication that begins in the relationship between you and your partner and extends out into the world.

You can find Leanne at https://connectionforcouples.com.

STATEMENT

I'm committed

to inclusion,

anti-racism,

and accessibility.


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