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A Disturbing Trend with Sexual Compatibility

January 02, 20234 min read

A disturbing trend about sexual compatibility … sounds a little dramatic!

But it’s also something that’s important to address.

I was Googling sexual compatibility recently as I was doing some research for a recent blog post.

I found it interesting that many of the search results had to do with astrology, primarily related to zodiac signs.

I kind of ignored it at the time even though it surprised me, but as I sat with it and thought more about it, I decided to write this post.

Because it concerns me a little.

Okay, maybe a lot.

Not that there’s anything wrong with astrology or with looking to your zodiac sign for guidance about your personality or life.

I love personality.

I even created my own version of your sexual communication style, which is based on typical personality assessments.

And I had fun reading through some of the posts about zodiac signs, who’s compatible with whom based on their sign, and thinking about myself and my partner’s characteristics.

I’ve always enjoyed reading about that stuff.

And astrology is much deeper than just personality descriptions, I know.

There’s a problem though.

The problem is that many people look at information like this and think it’s the be all, end all for sexual compatibility.

They don’t realize that there’s a lot more to the story.

And so it can be misleading.

Because the truth is that sexual compatibility is not just about matching qualities you may or may not have as a result of your zodiac sign.

It’s not just about having a spark right off the bat as many articles stated as though your sign determines sexual chemistry and you either have it or you don’t.

And it’s not about making sure shit matches with your partner(s), which the articles also stated. And by “shit,” I mean desires and sex drive. 😜

In fact, as I shared in that recent post that I mentioned, studies have shown that trying to make things match is the less effective strategy.

This is why I find this to be a disturbing trend with sexual compatibility.

Something else I shared in that post that I mentioned was the difference between actual and perceived sexual compatibility and the fact that perceived sexual compatibility impacts sexual and relationship satisfaction.

Since that’s the case, there’s something to be said for believing you’re compatible based on your zodiac sign.

But there’s also a danger in believing you’re not compatible just because of your zodiac sign.

Because we’re all unique.

Discrepancies are normal.

And it’s more about working through those discrepancies in various ways, regardless of your personality or zodiac sign.

The articles, though, may lead people in the direction of thinking that certain signs aren’t compatible with each other, period.

This is dangerous ground … hence the dramatic title of this post … and it’s an example of a random, surface solution that doesn’t really work that I addressed in another earlier post.

Not to mention the fact that your personality (through your astrological sign or some other method of assessment) is only one small part of your entire sexual identity.

And it’s important to learn and explore all of it.

Something else that stood out to me in the information I encountered was the underlying assumption that your zodiac sign sets things in stone.

This is a fixed or destiny mindset rather than a growth mindset, which I talked about before as well.

It’s a fixed or destiny mindset that has been shown to negatively impact sexual and relationship satisfaction. A growth mindset is what’s key for sexual and relationship satisfaction.

It’s not a matter of, “Oh, my partner is an x sign and I’m a y sign, so we’re doomed.”

So, have fun playing around with personality and zodiac signs and dive into self-discovery with whatever method works for you.

Self-discovery is a big factor in creating the sex life you really want and it’s something I focus on a lot in the work I do.

Just know that in terms of sexual compatibility, there’s more to the story.

That’s it for today. Just a short, little rant about sexual compatibility and a disturbing trend that I noticed!

But an important one.

Share this with someone you think would benefit. Check out the posts I referenced. And I look forward to seeing you in the next one!

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Leanne Chesser

Hi! I'm Leanne. I'm a intimacy coach and creator of Connection for Couples and the 5C System. I help couples create connected relationships and build foundations for intimacy, emotionally intelligent communication and sexual authenticity and go from feeling like disconnected roommates to connected, intimate partners again. You can learn more at

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